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Friday, August 20th, 2004

Subject:im too tired to talk my way out of this one
Time:7:16 pm.
Mood: distressed.
little silver heart
that you once adored
you dont wear my heart around your neck no more
Comments: Read 3 orAdd Your Own.

Friday, August 13th, 2004

Subject:im insane. i know. dont even say it.
Time:9:06 pm.
Mood: pensive.
i am bored, listening to sad bastard music, and doing not much else. i had planned to take a candle lit bath and read faulkner. ha ha.
im not in the mood anymore. i was not feeling well most of the day, and so i slept it away only to wake up now, and there is nothing, the day is sealing shut, and im still sitting here with nothing to say and nothing to do.
i got caught in the worst rain storm ever. and had i not been wearing a dress and a sweater i would have loved it. everyone in downtown d.c ran inside or got out the umbrellas. and then it became too much of a rain for even an umbrella so now i was alone walking down the street.

as i walked i looked in the stores and doors, and there were people standing huddled in every doorway and there i was walking along getting soaked. i looked terrible. and everytime i would wuss out and run in somewhere for cover people would stare at me and iwould freeze anyway due to air conditioning, so i just walked out again and back into the rain.

I had a burrito. it was spectacular. i ate it slowly and savored it. and this was right before it started pouring outside, so i was warm and safe and fed at that moment at least.
my brother and his girlfriend visited today. it was strange. they didnt stay long and i was sick, so i only talked to him briefly. what was strange though, is that my brother had short hair. like as in shorter than mine hair. and he has not cut his hair since he was like, 12. he is 19 now. apparently this summer, it just got too hot for him. so weird.
he looks completley different and older.
before he looked very old, but not wise. just like a hippie bum and he had a beard. so it was a complete look going fo rhim. now he looks like a 19 year old boy who is smart.
not bad but not my brother. so weird. is it extra weird for me to be obsessing over my brother's hair?
also, today i read a lot of articles and stuff about pregnant women who crave odd things. like eating chalk and dirt and clay, and smelling paint, blecah, cleaning supplies etc.
apparently this is a known medical condition in some pregnant women. me included.
i thought it was jsut me. it was so strange.
i very much inhale the smell of ice, and the dishes right after they come out of the dishwasher. its sort of scary. i feel like a junky. i will get a fresh washed cupthen crush ice to death pour it in the cup and just eat ice all day long. its seriously half my diet lately.
and it was listed among the weird cravings things.
also, this explains my sudden mopping fetish and hte reason i like to stand in the laundry room. bleach, cholrine. pine sol especially.
so strange.

apparently this happens to a lot of women during pregnancy and they are totally healthy and give birth to healthy babies, but it seems really weird and scary to me.
Comments: Read 3 orAdd Your Own.

Thursday, August 12th, 2004

Time:10:12 pm.
Mood: nauseated.
so much happened to me today. lots of funny stories to tell, but really the only thing that has been stuck in my head the last few hours is this homeless man i met today.
its killing me.
ive met homeless people before, obviously, but this time im feeling really guilty, and really sad. He is this man who lives outside the Jefferson Memorial. near the tidal basin. i guess he just lives there, walks around, sleeps, tries to eat, and blow dries his clothes in the bathroom when its open.

i say hello every once in a while but today it was so sad. he was sitting inside the memorial with a poncho on. today is the beginning of what is supposed to be the rainiest couple weeks d.c has had in a really long time. too rain storms, and a hurricane on the way and the tidal basin has already over flooded. there is no dry spot anywhere.
i feel so fucking bad. so fucking awful.
i said goodnight to him tonight when i left and he said good night and something about how he hoped he could find some dry spot to rest.
whats really terrible is that was 2 hours ago and since then it has poured more and more.
there is nothing i can do.
i would trade him places if i could. if it would actually work. he is smarter than me, and even though he is homeless, he always walks with this sense of purpose and dignity. god it makes me mad.
this a terrible entry by a stupid girl.
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Tuesday, August 10th, 2004

Subject:when i woke up from my dream this afternoon
Time:9:57 pm.
Frames were no longer borders. Instead, the paintings scaled the walls to the very sky.
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Monday, August 9th, 2004

Time:8:58 pm.
Mood: groggy.
I'm not sad today, particularly, but there was a definite cloud of numbness that wafted across my senses like the hum of a neon light. My thoughts are tedious to me. this thought is striking me as arbitrary and one that i shouldnt even take the time to record here.

ive been remembering things that i should have walked past long long long ago. it seems certain things, or people, have a way of settling into places and hiding from you until you think you have gotten older, wiser, maybe become someone a little better, and then you find them again. whispering things to you, sending you telepathic messages that lie and taunt and shout:
"i will always be the one that loved you best."

perhaps if we hadnt lived in a world where nothing matters except what everyone else thinks.then our mistakes would not seem so inconquerable.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Sunday, August 8th, 2004

Subject:i enjoy chewing ice cubes
Time:7:46 pm.
Mood: surprised.
if i stand really still and look down at my stomach i can see it move in some places. its gross.
Comments: Read 5 orAdd Your Own.

Saturday, August 7th, 2004

Subject:we can get crunked in the club
Time:6:31 pm.
my mother just used the words "boobies" and "bling bling" in a sentence. and she was not trying to be funny.
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Friday, August 6th, 2004

Time:2:24 pm.
Mood: indifferent.
im working slowly on finding any photos i can of this summer. mostly of my tummy and of the lake and stuff, so far these two are the only ones i have online anywhere.

this is zach and josh. josh is wonderful and cynical and hilarious and i miss him already.He is wearing my orange stockings.
zach made out with half the camp and then realized they were all telling each other and quit and left never to be seen again.
the second one is of me, my friend megan and one of the horse girls rocky in a canoe during some team building thingy in the beginning of summer. yes. i am wearing an orange bandanna and face paint.sigh.Collapse )
Comments: Read 5 orAdd Your Own.

Thursday, August 5th, 2004

Subject:up to the highest heights.....and send it soarrrring.
Time:2:04 pm.
Mood: blah.
its raining outside. i would have walked the puppy but she hates the rain.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Wednesday, August 4th, 2004

Time:10:56 pm.
Mood: listless.
there are people in my life who i hate.

i talk to them once in awhile. I meet them for dinner or a drink once or twice a year.

(You know, the sort of people you once admired, or knew through a mutual friend and maybe you were close for a time, or maybe it was an ex, someone you liked but annoyed you, or just wouldnt stop lecturing you about your life...)

i refuse to block them, or to not give a forwading address or email. I dont know why.

Sometimes i think im too nice to force the bad things out of my life. or maybe i just hang on to people even if i hate them, because i am so very afriad of losing everyone.
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Subject:i dont even know where to begin
Time:10:06 am.
im in d.c. again after being gone for around 3 months. it feels good to not have to hike up a hill to lay down and its nice to walk into a kitchen and feed myself when i want to, but i think im going to get bored of being here really quickly.
I sort of miss parts of living in the camp that i didnt think i would. i miss the smell of the outside, and i miss the wind and rain blowing my tent flaps up and around. its nice sleeping outside.
Anyway. I'm going to stay here for an undetermined amount of time. at least until sept. After that I think im going back to Boston, and then in Feb, school starts in Nyc and I will be there.
However, staying here til sept does not mean i am not visiting before then. i need to make a run up to see mike and some other people. so just keep in touch and I will try to make it work.

My head is aching a little. too much driving and flying the last few days. too little water. god i already miss the taste of the water and the smell the lake makes. i dont know what im going to do.
Comments: Read 7 orAdd Your Own.

Monday, July 26th, 2004

Time:9:23 pm.
Mood: amused.
thriller has been playing in my head all day.
my feet are sore.
my baby is moving a lot today.
its a girl the best kind of human.

mike. i miss you so much. i told people about you climbing for the rose to give to raquel and then how you never did and i told them about keeping it frozen and the poem...i miss you wonderful boy.
Comments: Read 12 orAdd Your Own.

Tuesday, July 13th, 2004

Time:8:43 am.
world. im alive.
the girl. is a baby. the baby is a girl. i mean
im getting really round in front and way tough too.
when i come home i will be so much cooler and tougher than you.

mike i miss you. chris and alec i miss you. i miss people. i miss places. and i want to eat mexican food.
asklghashgkas. 3 more weeks and i am out of here.
Comments: Read 13 orAdd Your Own.

Monday, June 14th, 2004

Time:11:27 am.
How to make a imustadmit

3 parts friendliness

5 parts humour

5 parts ego
Combine in a tall glass half filled with crushed ice. Top it off with a sprinkle of sadness and enjoy!
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Sunday, June 6th, 2004

Time:8:06 pm.
im not feeling well. today sucked. i puked in the morning a lot and then fought my way through the day. its too hot and the hills are too high and too rocky.
we got our assignments for the next two weeks i am posted on the highest hill with no real shower and bathroom with 36 girls age 12-14 who are here for drama camp.
im sooooo excited.
not. at. all.
Comments: Read 4 orAdd Your Own.

Friday, May 28th, 2004

Subject:oh my god
Time:7:46 pm.
Mood: accomplished.
i learned to kayak and do it everyday at least once. its so wonderful. the water and trees here are the most beautiful thing i have ever seen. ever.
mike. fucking god man. get time off. ill pay for it. just come. its the best thing ever. i dont even beleive i am getting paid. oh wait. i do eat crap food, and hae to start actual work in a week or two. ok. im dying. but its ok.
someone please please call me.
i got to camp last week. its so scary. like. you live in a tent. you are on your own bucko. food is awful. nothing to nurish me. i am going to have to start telling people i am eating for two because right now i think they are just under the impression im picky.
lets see. i have a slight tan. im loosing weight where i should be and gaining wheere i shoud be(he hee. a tummy is appearing)i actually have toned arms and legs!
im so hot. i cant even imagine how hot i will be at the end. only the whole pregnant belly thing in the way but whatever. its cute. for now.
i met this girl sarah who reminds me so much of my friend alec. she is wonderful beautiful and loves bob marley. ha. we spend time in indy sometimes, its good stuff.
there is a girl from mexico named tequila. she is my closest friend so fgar. she is wonderful and funny and we snuck hot sauce into the food last night. she is homesick though and i think soon she will leave. she doesnt seem to enjoy anything other htan talking to me and kayaking. which isnt much when you are so sad and sick.
i got really sick on wednesday i puked 20 times. but i made it and i am alaive and i think i will be fine.
im very lonely and homesick. ive been thinking about people i dont want to think about right now.
i miss my mom suprisingly, and i miss mike most of all.
you guys can call and leave a message (just a message) at this number 1-812-597-4692. THE BEST WAY TO ACTUALLY REACH ME. is to set up a time to call and then call this number, its a phone in the lounge in the hunting lodge. i will be there all this week til tuesday morning, unless im out kayacking, but leave a number and ill call back. that number is best and its 812-597-9485.

ooooho oooooooh. i also learned how to fish and teach fishing. like for real certified. as well as archery. i am now certified to teach archery to adults and children and i have my own little stupid cards for both.
i also spent all day today leanring cpr and first aid and am now certified in that as well.
im happy i think. TIRED. LONELY. Exhausted. but ok.
the water makes up for it.
kayak and canoe. my best friends.
Comments: Read 6 orAdd Your Own.

Saturday, May 22nd, 2004

Subject:I hate to wake you up to say goodbye.
Time:8:32 am.
Mood: groggy.
im leaving. im heading out the door in under 30 minutes.
to camp and little girls i go. im excited but nervous. at first all i was supposed to do was teach a little art, watch a few girls, now im learning archery so i can teach that class too. and fishing. which, for anyone who knows me well, im sure is as hilarious as i am imagining it to be.
ill still post, not as often. yada yada blah blah.
julian and mike. you are coming to visit me. i mean it. so make sure you have some time off sometime and i will work it out with you.
love love love to everyone and mike you better call me before sunday because after that i wont have a phone anymore.

what sucks is this overwhelming sense of melodramatic sadness i associate with leaving anywhere. i think its due to the fact no matter where im going i always get that song stuck in my head, "leaving on a jet plane". its the version bjork sings.
ah well. happy happy. byebye.
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Thursday, May 20th, 2004

Time:10:43 am.
i just took one of those official words per minute typey test things. i can type an average of 73 words per minute with an average accuracy of 98%.
why dont i have a job doing that?
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Time:8:03 am.
Mood: amused.
Michael bottai and Joy quinn
  • Will never have twenty-eight thousand evil children.
  • Like to cite romantic precedent exuberantly.
  • Demonstrate their affection with skywriting and embracing.
Orchestrated by ianiceboy

Joy quinn and Rudys mexican restaraunt
  • May one day conceive twenty-eight thousand adult girls.
  • Elect to cite romantic precedent periodically.
  • Met on a gameshow.
Orchestrated by ianiceboy

Joy quinn and Unborn baby
  • Are rumoured to have been two elitist girls.
  • Crazy about being able to read nearly everywhere.
  • Are so cute.
  • Make a difference.
Orchestrated by ianiceboy

Mike bottai and Dan doubled twice
  • Trying to adopt one robot child.
  • Resent having to arm-wrestle when permitted.
  • Should invest now in crowd-controlling equipment.
Orchestrated by ianiceboy

Joy and Julian
  • Secretly had a pair of happy kids.
  • Elect to chat, except after meals, and after MacGyver.
  • Feel wanted in every country.
Orchestrated by ianiceboy
Comments: Read 3 orAdd Your Own.

Wednesday, May 19th, 2004

Subject:little old lady who
Time:10:41 pm.
Mood: geeky.
some stupid fill in the answer and get one back thingy dingys.
tons of those stupid meme things featuring several about how i will die according to the internet, and one about how hanson fits into my lifeCollapse )
Comments: Add Your Own.

LiveJournal for Joy Desiree'.

View:User Info.
You're looking at the latest 20 entries. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries.